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In first grade I was at my best friend’s house and we were all about to go to church when her dad said “Let’s hit the road” so when we got outside I bent down to the pavement and started whacking the asphalt with my fist and I looked back expecting everyone to be crying with laughter at my wit but everyone was very serious-faced because that’s when we all realized I would grow up to be the most lame and least funny person on planet earth